One Way to Stop Feeling Guilty for Yelling

Have you ever known someone who experienced a really difficult childhood and wondered how they turned out ok? 

I was privileged to attend a presentation by two brilliant women who are impacting the lives of children and families in the foster care system and the community of San Diego. Their powerful presentation discussed Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) like:

• physical injuries

• divorce

• chronic disease,

• substance abuse

• poverty

• limited educational opportunities.

As well, the presented positive childhood experiences (PCEs) such as:

• Feeling able to talk to your family about feelings

• Feeling your family stood by you during difficult times

• Enjoying participating in community traditions

• Feeling a sense of belonging in high school

• Feeling supported by friends

• Having at least two non-parent adults who took genuine interest in you

• Feeling safe and protected by an adult in your home

They demonstrated clearly and with solid research how: 

The absence of positive experiences is more impactful than the presence of adverse experiences.

Read that again.

The absence of positive experiences is more impactful than the presence of adverse experiences.

What about those people you know who turned out ok? This is the answer, they had more positive experiences that outweighed the negative!

This is why I do what I do! 

When bad things happen to kids (that includes yelling, shaming, punishing, and showing disappointment) adding positive experiences can help kids find their way through, and keep them encouraged and trying. 

Of course, preventing adverse experiences is the ideal, and sometimes we can't control all of that. We can, however, give opportunities for Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences (HOPE) which is the name of the framework that was the topic of the presentation.

We're all doing our best as parents, and we're courageously imperfect! We make mistakes, and we do our best to make amends. Let's work hard to counter the adverse experiences that our children may have in their worlds with positive experiences. 

PS. The two inspiring presenters were Aisha Pope, LCSW, HOPE Trainer, Positive Discipline Lead Trainer & LaTysa Flowers-Jackson, HOPE Champion, Positive Discipline Parent Educator at positiveexperiences.org.